Dating Profile Photos After 50: The Dos, Don’ts and Please Put the Fish Down

You've written your dating profile.

You've managed to describe yourself without saying you enjoy “going out and staying in”.

Excellent progress.

Now comes the next challenge.

The photographs.

If you're dating online, your photos are usually the first thing somebody sees. Before they've discovered that you're funny, kind, brilliant company or make the world's best roast potatoes, they've seen your face.

Which can make choosing dating profile photos feel horribly important.

It doesn't need to.

You don't need professional modelling shots.

You don't need to look ten years younger.

And you definitely don't need to turn yourself into somebody who will be rather difficult to recognise when you walk into the pub.

You just need photographs that give someone a genuine, recent and friendly glimpse of you and your life.

If you're still working on the words that go alongside them, read How to Write a Dating Profile After 50 That Actually Sounds Like You first.

Your Main Dating Profile Photo Has One Job

Let people see you.

That's it.

For your main photograph, I'd choose one where:

• you're on your own

• we can clearly see your face

• you're looking reasonably relaxed

• the photograph is recent

• you actually look like you

It doesn't have to be the best photograph ever taken of you.

We're not entering it for Portrait Photographer of the Year.

A warm, natural photograph where you look approachable is far more useful than an incredibly glamorous photograph that barely resembles you.

Because eventually somebody might actually want to meet you.

And ideally they shouldn't have to wander around Costa thinking:

“I'm sure they're here somewhere...”

Please Use Recent Photographs

I know.

You looked fabulous in that photograph from 2017.

Your hair behaved itself.

The lighting was magnificent.

You were two stone lighter.

But if it no longer represents what you look like today, don't use it as your main dating photograph.

This isn't because you're supposed to look a particular way at 50, 60 or 70.

Quite the opposite.

You're looking for somebody who is attracted to you now.

If somebody wouldn't be interested because your hair is greyer, your body has changed or you're ten years older than the photograph you've been tempted to use, they're probably not your person anyway.

And using an old photograph doesn't prevent that rejection.

It merely postpones it until you're standing in front of them.

One Photograph Is Not Enough

One photograph can tell me what you look like.

Several photographs can start telling me who you are.

I'd aim for a mixture.

Perhaps:

• a clear head-and-shoulders photograph

• a full-length photograph

• something more relaxed

• one of you doing something you genuinely enjoy

• perhaps one slightly smarter photograph if that's part of your life

You don't need twelve versions of essentially the same selfie.

Think of your photographs as little windows into your life.

If somebody looked through them without reading a single word, would they get some sense of you?

The Group Photograph Investigation

Group photographs are fine as an extra photograph.

But please don't make one your main picture.

I've now got to work out which one you are.

Are you the person on the left?

The one in the middle?

The person whose face has been partially obscured by somebody's wine glass?

And if every photograph contains the same group of friends, I've basically been enrolled in a dating version of Guess Who?

One group photograph can show that you have friends and a social life.

Seven just make things unnecessarily complicated.

Sunglasses Are Not a Personality

A photograph of you wearing sunglasses?

Absolutely fine.

Six photographs of you wearing sunglasses?

Now I have no idea what you look like from the nose upwards.

The same goes for hats.

And photographs taken from so far away that you're technically more landscape than person.

Give people at least a couple of photographs where they can properly see you.

Ladies, We Need to Talk About Filters

Gentlemen are not getting all the attention today.

Filters can be incredibly tempting.

Smoother skin.

Brighter eyes.

Different lighting.

Perhaps a little nip here and a tuck there courtesy of an app.

And suddenly we've apparently reversed ageing.

The problem isn't making a photograph look nice.

Adjusting the lighting or cropping out the wheelie bin behind you isn't a moral failing.

The problem is when the filter changes you.

If your skin no longer has a pore, line or texture anywhere on it and your eyes have somehow become twice their original size, we're moving into different-person territory.

You don't need to pretend you haven't aged.

You're on a dating site for people who have also aged.

That's rather the point.

Gentlemen... The Fish

We knew we'd get here eventually.

There is nothing inherently wrong with holding a fish.

If fishing is genuinely one of the great loves of your life, a photograph of you fishing tells somebody something about you.

Useful information.

But somewhere along the way, the Man Holding Fish Dating Profile Photograph became its own species.

Perhaps it's because men tend to have fewer photographs taken of themselves.

You've been fishing.

Somebody says:

“Hold that up, Dave.”

CLICK.

And suddenly it's one of the only recent photographs in which you're both alone and visible.

I understand how we got here.

But unless fishing is an important part of your life, perhaps we can find another one.

And if you absolutely must use the fish...

Not as the main photo.

Let us meet Dave before the carp.

And Nobody Needs to See the Cropped-Out Ex

You know the photograph.

You look fantastic.

Unfortunately, the person you were standing beside has been removed from existence.

Except for:

an arm around your waist,

half a shoulder,

three fingers,

or a mysterious section of hair floating beside your head.

We know.

That's the ex.

If it's an absolutely brilliant photograph and it's buried further down your profile, perhaps you can get away with a sensible crop.

But ideally, let's find a photograph that doesn't make your future date wonder who has been surgically removed from it.

What About Professional Dating Photos?

Professional photographs can be useful.

Especially if you're one of those people who suddenly forgets how your own face works the moment somebody points a camera at you.

But I'd still want them to feel natural.

You don't need a corporate headshot.

And you don't need to pose against a sports car you don't own while staring meaningfully towards the horizon.

The goal isn't:

“Look how successful and desirable I am.”

It's:

“This is me.”

If you have professional photographs taken, I'd mix them with ordinary photographs from your real life.

Your Photos Can Start Conversations Too

Remember what we said about your written profile?

Give people something to respond to.

Your photographs can do exactly the same thing.

A picture of you somewhere interesting might prompt:

“Where was that taken?”

A photograph from a hobby might lead to:

“How did you get into that?”

A picture from a trip might start a conversation about travel.

That's much more useful than six photographs of your face taken from slightly different angles.

Your profile photographs aren't simply there to prove what you look like.

They're part of your introduction.

And if you're still deciding where that profile is actually going to live, I've compared some of the Best Dating Sites & Apps for Over 50s in the UK.

Don't Accidentally Give Away Too Much Information

This one matters.

Look at what's in the background of your photographs before you upload them.

Can somebody see:

• your house number?

• your car registration?

• where you work?

• a name badge?

• your child's or grandchild's school uniform?

• anything containing your address?

You don't need to become paranoid.

Just remember that you're putting these photographs in front of strangers.

Until you've got to know somebody, keep personal information personal.

Before You Upload Your Dating Photos, Ask Yourself...

You don't need to analyse every photograph for three hours.

Just ask:

Is it recent?

Can they clearly see me?

Does it actually look like me?

Does the collection show a little of my personality or life?

Would somebody recognise me if we met tomorrow?

If the answer is yes, you're probably doing just fine.

You Don't Need to Look Perfect

This is perhaps the most important bit.

Your dating photographs aren't there to convince somebody that you're younger, thinner, taller, richer or more glamorous than you really are.

They're there to help the right person recognise something they like.

Perhaps your smile.

Perhaps the way you look when you're doing something you love.

Perhaps the fact that you look warm, fun, interesting, mischievous, outdoorsy, stylish, relaxed or completely yourself.

Not everybody will fancy you.

You won't fancy everybody either.

That's dating.

If you find yourself automatically dismissing people because they don't fit the picture you've always had in your head, you might also want to read Date Outside Your Type.

Because sometimes attraction needs slightly longer than half a second and a swipe to make itself known.

Your Profile Is Ready - What Happens Next?

So now you've chosen your dating site.

You've written a profile that actually sounds like you.

You've found photographs that look like you.

And then...

Somebody sends you a message.

Which creates an entirely new problem:

What on earth do I say now?

That's where we're going next in the Online Dating series.

But before you disappear into the world of swiping and messaging, remember that online dating is only one way to meet people.

If you'd rather start somewhere you can actually talk to people face-to-face, have a look at Singles Events Near You.

And if you're not completely sure whether you're ready for dating, a relationship or quite happy doing your own thing right now, you can take my free What Type of Single Are You? quiz.