You've chosen a dating app. You've created an account. You've uploaded a photograph.

And then you're faced with that innocent-looking little box:

Tell us about yourself.

Suddenly, despite having lived for more than 50 years, you can think of absolutely nothing interesting about yourself.

You like holidays.

You have friends.

You occasionally go out for dinner.

Is that it? Is that who you've become?

Writing a dating profile after 50 can feel surprisingly difficult. You're trying to describe an entire person in a few paragraphs without sounding boring, boastful, desperate or like you're applying for a job.

But a good dating profile doesn't need to be clever.

It just needs to give someone a little glimpse of what being around you might actually be like.

And, crucially, give them something to talk to you about.

If you haven't decided where you want to try online dating yet, start with my Best Dating Sites & Apps for Over 50s UK guide, where I've looked at OurTime, Match, eHarmony, Hinge and Bumble and who each might suit.

The Problem With Most Dating Profiles

Have a browse through almost any dating site and you'll see variations of the same things:

I love going out but I'm equally happy staying in.

I enjoy holidays and weekends away.

My family and friends are important to me.

I have a good sense of humour.

I enjoy nice restaurants.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things.

The problem is that they tell somebody almost nothing about you.

Most people like holidays.

Most people like laughing.

Very few people are actively looking for someone who makes them miserable and refuses to leave the house.

So we need to give your future match a little more to work with.

Don't Tell Me - Show Me

One of the easiest ways to improve your dating profile is to make the generic things specific.

Instead of:

I love travelling.

Try:

Give me a little Italian town, somewhere to sit with a coffee and absolutely no reason to look at the clock and I'm happy.

Instead of:

I enjoy eating out.

Try:

I'm equally happy with a lovely restaurant or finding a country pub that does an enormous Sunday roast.

Instead of:

I like music.

Tell me what happens when your favourite song comes on.

Do you go to gigs?

Are you the person singing loudly in the car?

Would you rather spend Saturday night at a live music venue or listening to records at home with a glass of wine?

Suddenly I can picture you.

And that's what we're trying to do.

Give Someone Something to Message You About

Imagine somebody likes the look of you.

They read your profile.

And now they have to send the first message.

Help them!

A good dating profile contains conversation hooks - little bits of information someone can easily respond to.

You might mention:

• somewhere you've always wanted to visit

• the concert you loved

• something you're learning

• your disastrous attempts at gardening

• the food you'll travel miles for

• the ridiculous thing that always makes you laugh

• a place you love spending Sunday mornings

Instead of somebody having to resort to:

Hi, how are you?

they can say:

You mentioned you'd love to visit Italy - where would you go first?

And now you have an actual conversation.

What Should You Say You're Looking For?

This is where dating profiles can start turning into shopping lists.

Must be over 6ft.
Must have own house.
Must like travelling.
Must not smoke.
Must have hair and teeth.
Must live within 12.7 miles.
Must like dogs.
Must not own Lycra.

By the time we've finished, there are approximately three eligible people left in Britain.

Of course you're allowed standards.

And some things genuinely are dealbreakers.

But there's a difference between knowing what matters to you and designing a human being to order.

Instead of listing 27 requirements, think about how you'd like a relationship to feel.

Perhaps you're looking for someone kind, affectionate and emotionally available.

Maybe you want somebody who enjoys getting out and doing things.

Perhaps you'd like companionship, weekends away, laughter and somebody to share the ordinary bits of life with.

Or perhaps you're dating without rushing towards marriage or living together.

Say that.

And if you've realised that your usual checklist hasn't necessarily led you towards the happiest relationships in the past, you might also enjoy Date Outside Your Type.

Don't Try to Appeal to Everybody

This is one of the biggest mistakes people make.

Your dating profile isn't supposed to make every single person who sees it want to meet you.

That's not success.

You're trying to give the right people enough information to think:

Ooh. I like the sound of you.

If you hate camping, you don't need to pretend you'd love nothing more than spending a wet weekend in a tent.

If your perfect Saturday involves wandering around an antique shop followed by coffee and cake, say so.

If you love getting dressed up and going somewhere fabulous, say that.

If you're happiest in walking boots, say that.

You're not trying to be universally attractive.

You're trying to be recognisably you.

Things I'd Leave Out of Your Dating Profile

There are some things your future date really doesn't need to encounter before they've even said hello.

A lengthy description of your ex

Your previous relationships are part of your story, but your dating profile isn't the place to process them.

There's a world of difference between:

Divorced after a long marriage and ready for the next chapter

and three paragraphs explaining exactly why your ex was a selfish nightmare.

The first says where you are.

The second says your ex may still be occupying rather a lot of the relationship.

“No drama”

Whenever I see NO DRAMA, I immediately wonder how much drama has occurred for somebody to feel the need to announce it in capital letters.

Tell people what you do want instead.

Negativity about online dating

“Giving this one last try.”

“Are there any normal people on here?”

“Not expecting much but my friend made me join.”

Imagine being the perfectly nice person reading that.

You're effectively saying:

I assume you're probably awful too, but go on then, impress me.

Not the warmest opening.

“If you want to know, just ask”

Ask what?

You've given me absolutely nothing to work with.

Give somebody a starting point.

Should You Mention Divorce or Bereavement?

You don't have to hide your history.

By the time we reach our 50s, 60s and beyond, most of us have a history.

There may have been marriage, divorce, bereavement, children, stepchildren, heartbreak, enormous changes and entire lives lived before this dating profile existed.

You can acknowledge that without making it the central feature of who you are now.

Something as simple as:

I've been single for a couple of years after a long marriage and feel ready to meet someone again

can be enough.

You can tell the fuller story when you actually get to know somebody.

If returning to dating itself still feels like entering a completely different world, my Dating Over 50 in the UK guide is a useful place to start.

Should You Tell the Truth About Your Age?

Yes.

Next question.

I understand why people are tempted to knock a few years off.

Perhaps you don't feel 58.

Perhaps people constantly tell you that you don't look 63.

Perhaps you're worried you'll disappear from searches because somebody has set their upper age limit at 60.

But if you're hoping to build a genuine relationship, deliberately beginning it with incorrect information isn't a particularly strong foundation.

And there's another way of looking at it.

If somebody doesn't want to date a 63-year-old, why would you want to persuade them to?

You want someone who sees your actual age and still thinks:

I'd like to meet them.

What About Your Photographs?

Your words matter, but obviously your photographs matter too.

Use recent pictures that actually look like you.

Not you in 2009.

Not you photographed from 47 feet away.

Not six photographs wearing sunglasses.

Not five group photographs where your potential date has to conduct a small investigation to work out which person they're supposed to be considering.

And please don't use filters so heavily that you're barely recognisable.

You are eventually hoping to meet this person in real life.

Recognition at the venue is generally desirable.

I've covered dating-profile photographs properly in my guide to Dating Profile Photos After 50 - including recent photos, group shots, filters, sunglasses, cropped-out exes and what your pictures might accidentally reveal about you.

And yes...

Guys, we discuss the fish. 🐟

A Simple Dating Profile Formula

If you're still staring at that blank box, here's an easy way to build your profile.

You don't need to write your autobiography.

Just cover four things:

1. A little about who you are now

What does your life actually look like?

2. A few specific things you enjoy

Not just “travel” - give us something we can picture.

3. What kind of connection you'd like

Keep it human rather than writing a specification.

4. Something somebody can respond to

Give them an easy opening for that first message.

That's enough.

From Bland to Something You Can Actually Reply To

Here's an example.

Before:

I'm easy-going and have a good sense of humour. I like holidays, meals out, walking and spending time with family and friends. Looking for someone genuine with similar interests.

There's nothing particularly wrong with it.

But I still don't really know you.

After:

I'm happiest when I've got something to look forward to - a weekend away, trying a new restaurant or just finding somewhere lovely for a long walk followed by coffee and cake.

Family and friends are a big part of my life, but I've also reached the stage where I'd really like someone special to share some adventures and ordinary Sundays with.

I'm looking for someone kind, genuine and able to laugh at themselves. You don't have to share every one of my interests - discovering somebody else's is part of the fun.

If you know a brilliant little restaurant or somewhere I absolutely have to visit, you've already got your opening message.

Now I've got something to ask you.

And I've got a much better sense of what spending time with you might feel like.

Your Profile Should Sound Like You

Once you've written your profile, read it out loud.

Does it sound like something you'd actually say?

Or does it sound as though LinkedIn has written your dating profile?

You don't need to be hilarious if you're not naturally funny.

You don't need to sound adventurous if you'd actually rather be at home by 9pm.

And you definitely don't need to reinvent yourself into somebody you think will be more dateable.

The aim isn't to create the best possible version of you on paper.

It's to create an accurate enough glimpse of you that when somebody eventually meets you, the person sitting opposite them feels familiar.

And Remember - You're Choosing Too

Online dating can very quickly put us into the mindset of:

Will they like me?

Try to remember that isn't the only question.

You're also discovering:

Do I like them?

Do I feel comfortable talking to them?

Do our lives fit?

Do I want another conversation?

You aren't auditioning.

You're both finding out.

Not Sure What You're Looking For Yet?

Sometimes the difficulty isn't writing the dating profile.

It's that you're not completely sure what you want your next chapter to look like.

You might be ready for a relationship.

You might be ready to date but unsure where to start.

You might still be adjusting to single life.

Or you might discover you're actually rather enjoying being single.

My free What Type of Single Are You? quiz is designed to help you work out where you are right now — and what your next step might be.