Are you attracting emotionally unavailable men? There are plenty of men out there who want a relationship but you need to be emotionally available too, recognise the signs and walk away if it’s not going anywhere.

How do I know?

I went through a stage of attracting unavailable men, either they were already in a ‘unhappy’ relationship – yep they will always tell you that even when they are quite happy and think the grass is greener on the other side, or they’re not quite ready for a new relationship, they are too busy with work, or they are a single parent and they only have a little time to socialise.  I’m sure you’ve heard it all but why are you attracting these types of men?

Here are 5 reasons why you might be attracting emotionally unavailable men!

1.     You are not emotionally available yourself

I had a relationship many moons ago and he turned out to be a serial dog walking player, we will call him DH for short, he would charm the women over the park then sneak them home when I was away, how did I know?

Because there were random playlists on his Spotify account like Tania’s playlist - his excuse? "Oh that was before we'd met I just forgot to delete it", or he’d get a text saying “can’t wait for next weekend” - his excuse? "I said I'd go to the football with her, we are just good friends" Yes you could say I was stupid for believing him but he was very convincing, if I was away I’d get a text saying he’d missed me and what time was I back?

Apparently he would sneak his woman out the back door before I turned up, at the time I didn’t clock the sheepish look on his face but it’s all so clear now.  I realised that although my family hated him and there was no way I’d ever let him back into my life.

I wanted to stay available ‘just in case’ so I could tell him I wasn’t interested and would not have him back, if I had been attached then it really wouldn’t have had the same effect, he would’ve thought it was because I was in a relationship and turned on the charm because he loved the chase, but if I said I wouldn’t have him back even though I was single, that would’ve really dampened his ego and he would’ve realised that he had made a big mistake.  So it wasn’t that I was attracting unavailable men, that’s what I was looking for. 

2.     Easier to walk away

If you attract unavailable men you can’t hurt them, I’ve hurt a few people in the past and didn’t want to have to be the one to say goodbye, what better way than if they're not yours emotionally to dump in the first place. 

3.     Too busy to date

I had started my own business which took up a lot of my time, plus I like to spend time with my family so I didn’t see where I would find the time to even go on a date.  I used to joke to my friends that I just needed a pocket boyfriend to get out when I wanted to go out for the day or go for a meal, but I also know that when I did find someone I found the time.

 4.     Emotionally unavailable men are attractive.

If you have low self esteem or confidence issues you may chase after an emotionally unavailable man because you think that if he starts to commit to you its because he really really likes you and your confidence will be restored and you will feel worthy but what happens is you chase and chase and he still stays unavailable and your confidence just decreases even more. 

5.     You just love the chase

You can’t deny that the initial chase isn’t exciting, the thrill of working at getting someone to notice you and then seeing the rewards but when someone doesn’t commit we then chase the feeling because we want to get it back.

So when you keep saying, there are only wasters out there, there’s only unavailable men – think about what you are saying to yourself.

There are plenty of men out there who want a relationship but you need to be emotionally available too, recognise the signs and walk away if it’s not going anywhere. 

Some questions to ask yourself

·        If I was attached now, how would that make me feel?

·        What could I NOT do if I was in a relationship?

·        Who would I lose if I met someone and became attached?

·        How would my life change? Does that feel good or bad?

·        Do I have low self-esteem or low confidence?

·        Do I enjoy the chase of an unavailable man?

❤️ Ready for Love — What Happens Next?

If you're ready to have someone special in your life but you're not quite sure what comes next, explore our Ready for Love journey for ideas, resources and practical next steps.

Continue Your Ready for Love Journey →

❤️ Enjoyed this article?

If this resonated with you, why not join the Love After 50 newsletter?

Every week I share honest advice, real-life dating stories, relationship insights and the occasional blonde moment from my own journey of navigating love after 50.

No jargon. No judgement. Just practical guidance, a little humour, and reassurance that you're not the only one wondering, "Is it just me?"

Simply enter your details below and I'll send new articles straight to your inbox.

Because nobody handed us the rule book for dating and relationships after 50.

Sign up for newsletter here